)
That's sort of how things went for the next few weeks.
After work, Abel and I would go to Ted's and get a couple of beers and head over to the park where we'd just sit and stare.
Mostly Abel would just talk about meaningless work-related subjects. I knew he was being careful not to venture in to anything deep that may make me uncomfortable. Though he hid it well. Always keeping things light, even trivial. Oddly, it wasn't annoying. I hated small talk for the most part. But this didn't feel like that. It didn't feel strained, like he was hiding from the truth or beating around the bush. It was always open. He was always willing for me to open up. Always willing for me to offer something. Always willing but never pushy. And I thanked him for it.
I was glad for his friendship, however tentitive it was.
Sometimes I would think as he talked. I would think deep and hard. Sometimes I'd just nod to whatever he was saying, grateful for the distraction.
I don't think he really cared either way.
I wondered why he did this. Why he would spend his evenings with someone who seemingly didn't give a rat's ass. What did he get out of it? Who knew. I wasn't going to question it. I was too selfish. I'd rather just have his unquestioning, never prodding company. Nothing I had to invest in. Man, I was really selfish.
I didn't know if he expected me to actually ever open up. I know I didn't. That's why I was surprised at myself when I eventually started to.
He was talking about Jonah and how he'd heard that he was being considered for some big promotion and might get moved off site.
"Jonah's a good guy. He deserves it." I commented.
His eyes flashed to my face before steadying back out onto the horizon. He nodded, trying to hide a small smile. It was two whole sentences he had coughed out of me and he had a triumphant smile hiding at the corners of his mouth. I rolled my eyes but smirked a little myself.
I soon became an active part of our evening discussions. The topics stayed light as ever but I was laughing and commenting and sometimes even initiating conversation of my own. And it was good. It was good to interact. It felt normal.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Ch. 4: Part 1
Ted was the guy who owned the convenience store, I found out. Of course he knew Abel. Everybody knew Abel. Abel went in and got the beers as I sat in the car slapping myself over what a pushover I was. I briefly contemplated ditching him while he was inside. But how could I do that to Abel? Geez, I was pathetic.
"Hey. Here ya go." Abel handed me the alcohol. "Park okay? It's such a nice day." He asked but he didn't seem to wait for an answer. Abel babbled on about work and some rumor we were getting raises on the ride there. "Of course, Hank is skeptical. You know he's not such a bad guy. He's just a little rough around the edges. You know he was in the war?"
I just sat there tense and nodded every so often.
When we arrived at the park which was really just a shelter scattered cigarette buds and a rusty swing set with one seat missing. I followed him to the shelter. We both settled on the top of the picnic table, feet perched on the seat, side by side. I stared out at the two hanging chains void of the seat. I handed him his beer without breaking my gaze.
"Thanks."
I nodded.
It really was a nice day. There was a light breeze that cleared the head and a subtle fog that misted in and gave a sort of magical shimmer to the deserted park. The mist carried the minty pine scent of the forest. I suddenly noticed that Abel hadn't been talking this whole time. Which was weird for him. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was starring out at the fog just like me. I went back to looking out at the rusty swing and I heard him take a swig of his bottle.
"So, what's with you Leo?" he asked.
My head whipped sideways. He was still looking straight ahead. I just kind of stared at him. His eyes glanced at me and he turned his head to me slightly when he saw me staring. He raised one eyebrow expectantly. I diverted my attention back out at the swing.
"Nothing." I shrugged, trying to act all nonchalant. Like I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Uh huh." He mused, drawing it out like I had given him a vital piece of information. He bobbed his head slowly.
I let out a long sigh. I fidgeted with the leg of my jeans and stared out, still trying to look chill.
He pursed his lips. "So, what's really going on with you?" This time he turned his head to stare at me pointedly, fully expecting some kind of answer to whatever the hell he was asking. What the hell was he asking? What did he expect me to say? Like I was going to spill my guts to him over one beer. What did he want from me? I just started to just get really freaking pissed.
My face went from uncomfortable to confused. And then I let my face show just how pissed I was. "What the hell does that mean?" I don't really know why I was so mad. It's just, I never did anything to anybody. I just kept to myself and minded my own business. I didn't talk to anybody. And still. Still people couldn't just leave me the fuck alone. I lived in the woods for Pete's sake!
I expected Abel to look all taken aback or hurt or something. And I just really couldn't bring myself to give a shit.
But he didn't look hurt. He didn't even look the least bit phased.
And he just freaking shrugged.
"It means, what's going on with you"
Oh, okay. That clears everything up.
He sighed a little.
"Look, I know something's going on. I just thought you might need to talk about it to someone."
He raise his hands, palms out in front of him.
"No strings attached."
And I was still sort of mad, but when he put it that way...
I briefly thought about how much it would be completely helpful to talk to someone about just everything. I could think it through and it would be so nice to have someone else know. It sucked to keep everything bottled up.
But I wasn't about to tell anyone anything. Cause as much as it sucked to keep everything bottled up, it was safe. And safe was all I had now.
"Sorry." I relaxed my features. "Thanks." I let out a long sigh and leaned forward, leaning my elbows on my knees and intertwined my fingers together. "But, I really am fine."
And he just dropped it. He pursed his lips and bobbed his head for a little bit, then he raised his bottle to his lips and took a long sip. "Okay."
And that was the end of it. We both resumed our gaze out at the fog and he started babbling about something trivial.
I realized I liked Abel more in that moment then I ever had. If I was actually ever gonna have friends again, Abel would be it and I was actually glad I had come.
I let a small smile spread my lips and took another sip of my beer.
"Hey. Here ya go." Abel handed me the alcohol. "Park okay? It's such a nice day." He asked but he didn't seem to wait for an answer. Abel babbled on about work and some rumor we were getting raises on the ride there. "Of course, Hank is skeptical. You know he's not such a bad guy. He's just a little rough around the edges. You know he was in the war?"
I just sat there tense and nodded every so often.
When we arrived at the park which was really just a shelter scattered cigarette buds and a rusty swing set with one seat missing. I followed him to the shelter. We both settled on the top of the picnic table, feet perched on the seat, side by side. I stared out at the two hanging chains void of the seat. I handed him his beer without breaking my gaze.
"Thanks."
I nodded.
It really was a nice day. There was a light breeze that cleared the head and a subtle fog that misted in and gave a sort of magical shimmer to the deserted park. The mist carried the minty pine scent of the forest. I suddenly noticed that Abel hadn't been talking this whole time. Which was weird for him. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was starring out at the fog just like me. I went back to looking out at the rusty swing and I heard him take a swig of his bottle.
"So, what's with you Leo?" he asked.
My head whipped sideways. He was still looking straight ahead. I just kind of stared at him. His eyes glanced at me and he turned his head to me slightly when he saw me staring. He raised one eyebrow expectantly. I diverted my attention back out at the swing.
"Nothing." I shrugged, trying to act all nonchalant. Like I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Uh huh." He mused, drawing it out like I had given him a vital piece of information. He bobbed his head slowly.
I let out a long sigh. I fidgeted with the leg of my jeans and stared out, still trying to look chill.
He pursed his lips. "So, what's really going on with you?" This time he turned his head to stare at me pointedly, fully expecting some kind of answer to whatever the hell he was asking. What the hell was he asking? What did he expect me to say? Like I was going to spill my guts to him over one beer. What did he want from me? I just started to just get really freaking pissed.
My face went from uncomfortable to confused. And then I let my face show just how pissed I was. "What the hell does that mean?" I don't really know why I was so mad. It's just, I never did anything to anybody. I just kept to myself and minded my own business. I didn't talk to anybody. And still. Still people couldn't just leave me the fuck alone. I lived in the woods for Pete's sake!
I expected Abel to look all taken aback or hurt or something. And I just really couldn't bring myself to give a shit.
But he didn't look hurt. He didn't even look the least bit phased.
And he just freaking shrugged.
"It means, what's going on with you"
Oh, okay. That clears everything up.
He sighed a little.
"Look, I know something's going on. I just thought you might need to talk about it to someone."
He raise his hands, palms out in front of him.
"No strings attached."
And I was still sort of mad, but when he put it that way...
I briefly thought about how much it would be completely helpful to talk to someone about just everything. I could think it through and it would be so nice to have someone else know. It sucked to keep everything bottled up.
But I wasn't about to tell anyone anything. Cause as much as it sucked to keep everything bottled up, it was safe. And safe was all I had now.
"Sorry." I relaxed my features. "Thanks." I let out a long sigh and leaned forward, leaning my elbows on my knees and intertwined my fingers together. "But, I really am fine."
And he just dropped it. He pursed his lips and bobbed his head for a little bit, then he raised his bottle to his lips and took a long sip. "Okay."
And that was the end of it. We both resumed our gaze out at the fog and he started babbling about something trivial.
I realized I liked Abel more in that moment then I ever had. If I was actually ever gonna have friends again, Abel would be it and I was actually glad I had come.
I let a small smile spread my lips and took another sip of my beer.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Ch. 3: Part 5
I trudged through the mud out to the road, hands shoved in my pockets and head down. I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. Tried.
"Hey, Leo, ya sure about Larry's?" Abel called over to me from over at the time clock. I tried to act like I hadn't heard him. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed as I heard his cheerful jog behind me.
"Hey, Leo. Ya sure you won't take me up on my offer? I'll buy." He wore a smile but I could tell he already knew what I was going to say.
"No. Thanks, anyway. You have fun with the other guys."
His eyebrows came together and his face transformed into the most pathetic expression.
"That's just the trouble. None of the other guys are going. I don't wanna go by myself."
I was a little surprised at that. I wasn't expecting him to want to hang out with just me. Even if I was his backup. But that didn't change anything and neither did his pleading expression. There was no way I was stepping one foot into Larry's. Way too many people jammed together and none of them on their best behavior. I tried not to think of the other reason.
"Uh. Larry's just isn't my thing." I said with an uncomfortable expression. I shrugged and began to start my walk home again.
"We don't have to go to Larry's if you don't want to. We could just grab a couple of beers from Ted's."
I turned around to face him again. He had his eyebrows raised with a half grin.
Two guys and a couple of beers didn't really sound that bad. And I didn't really have any more reasons for refusing and from the grin, I think Abel knew it. I had no idea how anyone could say no to Abel. I briefly took pity on any unsuspecting victim of the female gender. If it worked this well on me, think what that welcoming smile and those innocent eyes could do to any girl of his choosing.
A slight snicker escaped my lips. His eyes turned quizzical at my sudden amusement.
"Well, I guess you won't let me say no." I smirked.
His eyebrows lifted and his face turned into an expression of excitement.
"The hell I am." He said with a grin.
"Hey, Leo, ya sure about Larry's?" Abel called over to me from over at the time clock. I tried to act like I hadn't heard him. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed as I heard his cheerful jog behind me.
"Hey, Leo. Ya sure you won't take me up on my offer? I'll buy." He wore a smile but I could tell he already knew what I was going to say.
"No. Thanks, anyway. You have fun with the other guys."
His eyebrows came together and his face transformed into the most pathetic expression.
"That's just the trouble. None of the other guys are going. I don't wanna go by myself."
I was a little surprised at that. I wasn't expecting him to want to hang out with just me. Even if I was his backup. But that didn't change anything and neither did his pleading expression. There was no way I was stepping one foot into Larry's. Way too many people jammed together and none of them on their best behavior. I tried not to think of the other reason.
"Uh. Larry's just isn't my thing." I said with an uncomfortable expression. I shrugged and began to start my walk home again.
"We don't have to go to Larry's if you don't want to. We could just grab a couple of beers from Ted's."
I turned around to face him again. He had his eyebrows raised with a half grin.
Two guys and a couple of beers didn't really sound that bad. And I didn't really have any more reasons for refusing and from the grin, I think Abel knew it. I had no idea how anyone could say no to Abel. I briefly took pity on any unsuspecting victim of the female gender. If it worked this well on me, think what that welcoming smile and those innocent eyes could do to any girl of his choosing.
A slight snicker escaped my lips. His eyes turned quizzical at my sudden amusement.
"Well, I guess you won't let me say no." I smirked.
His eyebrows lifted and his face turned into an expression of excitement.
"The hell I am." He said with a grin.
Ch. 3: Part 4
"Hey, Leo!"
It was Abel. Again. I mean, I couldn't quite bring myself to hate him. I didn't think anybody could hate Abel. He was so nice.
"Hey." I gave a little half smile in spite of myself. I couldn't help it.
"You wanna get a drink after work?" He asked with enthusiasm. It had caught my attention that Jonah had must of not mentioned my age to anyone, because this was about the third time in a week Abel had asked me to hang out at Larry's after work. And I wasn't about to leak the information if he hadn't.
"Uh, no thanks."
Abel cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "You know what, Leo? You work to much."
I just shrugged. He let out a good chuckle. "In a small town like this, I try to get in all the fun I can."
I just shrugged again and he shook his head at me, but went back to his saw with a whistle.
After a couple days of Hank's instruction, I had started my labor, cutting the log to specifications. I got paid by the cut, which was fine by me because I never stopped working.
Maybe Abel was right. Maybe I worked to much. But, what else was I supposed to do? Not only had this job served it's purpose by providing me with income, it also kept me busy. That had been an added bonus I hadn't asked for. Logging gave me something to do and I was grateful to it.
I just tried to keep my mind off the fact that I was working to live and living to work. Without doing much of the living. I kept telling myself that I just needed to get my feet underneath me and then I could work on sorting everything out.
Breathing first, then the living part.
But, if I stopped kidding myself for a couple seconds, I would realize that I was scared shitless of figuring anything out. I wasn't ready to face what my life would actually become once I stopped to look at it. A cruel, strange something had thrown me off my course and I had lost my direction. And I was terrified of finding a new one.
It was Abel. Again. I mean, I couldn't quite bring myself to hate him. I didn't think anybody could hate Abel. He was so nice.
"Hey." I gave a little half smile in spite of myself. I couldn't help it.
"You wanna get a drink after work?" He asked with enthusiasm. It had caught my attention that Jonah had must of not mentioned my age to anyone, because this was about the third time in a week Abel had asked me to hang out at Larry's after work. And I wasn't about to leak the information if he hadn't.
"Uh, no thanks."
Abel cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "You know what, Leo? You work to much."
I just shrugged. He let out a good chuckle. "In a small town like this, I try to get in all the fun I can."
I just shrugged again and he shook his head at me, but went back to his saw with a whistle.
After a couple days of Hank's instruction, I had started my labor, cutting the log to specifications. I got paid by the cut, which was fine by me because I never stopped working.
Maybe Abel was right. Maybe I worked to much. But, what else was I supposed to do? Not only had this job served it's purpose by providing me with income, it also kept me busy. That had been an added bonus I hadn't asked for. Logging gave me something to do and I was grateful to it.
I just tried to keep my mind off the fact that I was working to live and living to work. Without doing much of the living. I kept telling myself that I just needed to get my feet underneath me and then I could work on sorting everything out.
Breathing first, then the living part.
But, if I stopped kidding myself for a couple seconds, I would realize that I was scared shitless of figuring anything out. I wasn't ready to face what my life would actually become once I stopped to look at it. A cruel, strange something had thrown me off my course and I had lost my direction. And I was terrified of finding a new one.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Facebook Group!! ^_^
Hiya!
Leo now has a Facebook group! You can check out all the pix or discuss crap with other fans. I will also alert all the Leo Facebook fans of any new posts. You can upload pictures that remind you of Leo or share playlist ideas. It's WAYYY fun!
Here's the official group created and run by yours truly:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=70171925995#/group.php?gid=70171925995
Here's the group created by Conner (thnx Conner! ^_^):
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=70171925995#/group.php?gid=65298881084
Leo now has a Facebook group! You can check out all the pix or discuss crap with other fans. I will also alert all the Leo Facebook fans of any new posts. You can upload pictures that remind you of Leo or share playlist ideas. It's WAYYY fun!
Here's the official group created and run by yours truly:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=70171925995#/group.php?gid=70171925995
Here's the group created by Conner (thnx Conner! ^_^):
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=70171925995#/group.php?gid=65298881084
Monday, February 23, 2009
Leo POV- Ch. 3: Part 3
Hey! This is the first post to be in Leo POV. I'm not posting anything big. just enough to try to keep you from hating me and to try out the new point of view.
************************************************************************************
My first day had been... good? Well, it had been work. Hank never frendlied up and I was grateful for the no-nonsense direction. It was just a job. I needed the money. I just wished that I could bypass the human interaction to get it.
Sadly, the job required some training before I even handled a saw. So, that meant my little lessons with Hank would continue for a while. I just wanted to do my job and get out of there. I just wanted to be back at my lonely little camp. I didn't necessarily like it here but I felt secluded which was as much as I was asking for.
I shoved down another charred hot dog without tasting it. Hot dogs and more hot dogs. I felt like it was all I'd eaten. Ever. But, I only knew how to cook so much over a fire.
After work, Abel had strode over and invited me out to Larry's in what I figured was a "new guy" gesture. Yeah Right. Like I'd be going anywhere near that place. Though I had needed a drink pretty bad.
I popped the tab of my Bud light and gave a dry chuckle at my fake ID tucked away in my wallet. I leaned back against the tree and rubbed my back over the rough bark. My eyes fluttered closed. Tomorrow was Saturday. I raised the can to toast. Happy weekend.
I took a long gulp and rubbed my eye with the heal of my palm. I opened my eyes and looked down my nose at the wing spread out on the needle covered ground beside me. I lazily fingered the feathery tips.
************************************************************************************
My first day had been... good? Well, it had been work. Hank never frendlied up and I was grateful for the no-nonsense direction. It was just a job. I needed the money. I just wished that I could bypass the human interaction to get it.
Sadly, the job required some training before I even handled a saw. So, that meant my little lessons with Hank would continue for a while. I just wanted to do my job and get out of there. I just wanted to be back at my lonely little camp. I didn't necessarily like it here but I felt secluded which was as much as I was asking for.
I shoved down another charred hot dog without tasting it. Hot dogs and more hot dogs. I felt like it was all I'd eaten. Ever. But, I only knew how to cook so much over a fire.
After work, Abel had strode over and invited me out to Larry's in what I figured was a "new guy" gesture. Yeah Right. Like I'd be going anywhere near that place. Though I had needed a drink pretty bad.
I popped the tab of my Bud light and gave a dry chuckle at my fake ID tucked away in my wallet. I leaned back against the tree and rubbed my back over the rough bark. My eyes fluttered closed. Tomorrow was Saturday. I raised the can to toast. Happy weekend.
I took a long gulp and rubbed my eye with the heal of my palm. I opened my eyes and looked down my nose at the wing spread out on the needle covered ground beside me. I lazily fingered the feathery tips.
Abel
Hey!
Found this pic of Abel!
I nearly had to put napkins down to protect my keyboard from the drool. Enjoy... ^_^
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